everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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