im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
