yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Still dying that you shit outside
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
