Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
