I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You are the jesus of drinking
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
