I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
