he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
