The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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