woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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