When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
