I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
