Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
