I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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