You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
