thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
