you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
