that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
