I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
