im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
