So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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