I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
