At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
