If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
