Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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