Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
