In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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