so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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