I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
