So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
