Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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