Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
