Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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