Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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