She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
