She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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