He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
