you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
