I heard we made out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
