i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
