I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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