I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
