When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize