It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
did i just pee glitter
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
