The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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