I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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