Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
