PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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