i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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