dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
