I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my shit smells like andre
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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