she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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