this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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