we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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