Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
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She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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