Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
