I looked at my own cervix.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
