Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
