Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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