I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
