i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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