Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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