Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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