Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
