Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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