i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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