I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
