I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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