he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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