I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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