I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
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i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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