Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
