So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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