Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I won the penis lottery.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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