how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
